


The Lost Life of Natasha Romanov

by CarlyWrites



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Amnesia, Avengers Family, Awesome Natasha Romanov, BAMF Natasha Romanov, Chaptered, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Deaf Clint Barton, Domestic Avengers, F/M, Gen, Natasha Romanov Feels, Natasha Romanov Has Issues, Natasha Romanov Needs a Hug, Natasha Romanov-centric, POV Natasha Romanov, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Pre-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), natasha romanov deserves better
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2021-02-19 10:41:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22009669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarlyWrites/pseuds/CarlyWrites
Summary: After a mission gone wrong, Natasha Romanov forgets the past eight years of her life. As far as she knows, its 2007 and she is a newer member of SHIELD. How will she react to finding out she is a member of a team, let alone leading one with Captain America? Will the Black Widow get her memories back or will her years as the only female Avenger be lost to her forever?*Post Age of Ultron, Pre-Civil War******On Hiatus until finished with the series Natasha & Wanda*******
Relationships: Bruce Banner/Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov, Natasha - Relationship, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov
Kudos: 32





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone, this is my first fanfic ever! I honestly feel like Natasha Romanov got the short stick as far as screen time goes, and don't get me started on End Game (insert eye roll emoji). I couldn't find many fics featuring her, so here we are! Please enjoy!

“Can she hear us?” a voice whispers.   
“Probably, she’s Natasha,” I blink open my eyes.   
“Barton?” the agent is sitting in the chair next to me, his face drawn.   
“Hey Nat, how’re you doing?” Nat? Why did he just call me Nat? I look around the room, the only other people here are Fury and a doctor. I relax slightly.   
“That was a rough mission,” I try to sit up, but my vision blurs and I feel a surge of nausea. I push it back down.   
“Woah, you’ve been in and out for two days, take it slow.”   
“Are we at the SHIELD hospital?” I look over at Fury and the doctor.   
“Are you okay?” Barton leans forward.   
“I’m fine, we should debrief Fury on what happened,” the two exchange a look.   
“What? Did you already do it?”   
“I wasn’t on the mission with you, it was Cap.”   
“Who’s Cap?” Time seems to slow.  
“What’s the last thing you remember?” the doctor steps forward.   
“We were in Shanghai, there was an explosion. I didn’t think we’d make it out. You don’t even have a scratch,” I look closer at my partner. He looks different. Older. Something isn’t right. “You aren’t Barton, and you aren’t Fury.” I jump out of the bed, ignoring my swimming vision.   
“Natasha, you have a serious concussion, please get back into bed,” the doctor insists. I stumble forward, trying to blink away my confusion. I must be drugged. Then I pass a mirror. My long dark hair is gone. Instead, its short and red. They must have changed it when I was out. A hand grips my arm, I try to get away, but the attempt is feeble.   
“You are no match for me,” I plant my feet into the ground, studying myself, “I have endured worse torture than this.”  
“If this was torture wouldn’t you be restrained?” The fake Barton urges.   
“It’s mental manipulations, you’re trying to get me to drop my defenses.”   
“Nat it is me, come on. Remember I spared you, I was sent to kill you.” I falter.   
“This isn’t real.”   
“Yes, it is. I will tell you something only the real me knows.” He pauses for a moment, “I have a wife, her name is Laura. We have a farm,”   
“This isn’t real.” I sink to the ground. “This can’t be real.”   
“What year is it?” he asks.   
“2007,” I reply strongly.   
“Its 2015.”   
“Bullshit.” My moment of weakness passes. Barton was probably compromised. He has a wife; it is easy enough to find that out. I am tired of these games. I asses my surroundings carefully, looking for the weapon. I eye the IV stand. As I am getting ready to pounce, the door to the room opens.  
“How much longer is this going to take? I have a date with Pepper,” Billionaire playboy philanthropist, and renowned narcissist, Tony Stark pokes his head in. How is he involved?  
“What is he doing here?” I don’t know why I bother asking.   
“Wow, rude.” He steps into the room. “I happen to have come all the way from New York City to see you. Is it because I didn’t bring Pepper? She wanted to come,”   
“Tony,” Barton growls, “Please leave.”  
“What’s up with you?” He looks over at Fury who shakes his head, “Am I missing something?”   
“Go wait in the hall, Stark.” Fury commands.   
“Everyone else is still waiting out there. What should I tell them?”  
“Everyone else?” How many people are in on this? How heavily guarded am I? Is this a test, to prove my loyalty?  
“The rest of the team,” Tony replies.   
“I don’t do teams,” I snap. Whatever this test is, I’m failing.   
“Tony, out. Clint, out.” Fury commands. Barton looks ready to defy Fury’s order, but thinks better, slipping into the hall. “We have two options here. Either I can have them sedate you, or you can cooperate.” I stand up from my seat on the floor and sit on the bed. “Good choice.” Two hours later, I have completely lost faith that this is either a mind game or a test. I can hear them in the hallway, arguing about me.   
“She should stay here, it’s safe and controlled,”   
“This is hardly a place to rest and recover,” Barton argues back.   
“She can stay with me and Pepper, we have all the security that she could need.  
“She doesn’t even know who you are,”   
“She seemed to recognize me,”  
“You know what I mean. She doesn’t know, Tony.”   
“Well where can she go?”  
“She can stay with me and Laura, and the kids.”  
“She not your Natasha,” Fury warns. What does that mean? “She who she was eight years ago. A very different person.”  
“She will come stay with us. Has anyone contacted Banner?” Banner? Who’s Banner?  
“We’re trying. He’s gone off the map.”  
“He’s going to Hulk out when he finds out.”  
“No he won’t, it will be fine. Just find him,” Clint snaps. The door opens and a nurse comes in. She is nervous.   
“I’m hardly in a state where I can hurt you,” I close my eyes. My head is pounding. Fighting my way out of here, even against this nurse, seems impossible.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha leaves headquarters to recover on Clint's farm with his family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2! So happy people liked my first chapter, please enjoy!

Two days later, I am sitting next to Agent Barton on a jet.  
“Thank you for agreeing to come stay with me.”  
“I don’t really have a choice, do I?” The jet lands in a field in the middle of nowhere. In the distance, there is a large farmhouse and barn.  
“You shouldn’t walk.”  
“I can walk, I am fine.” I pull myself out of my seat and down the steps. By the time we reach the front porch, I am leaning so heavily on Barton he may as well be carrying me. The door opens and a small brunette is standing in the doorway. This must be Laura, his wife.  
“Oh God, come in,” she steps out of the way and a little girl comes flying down the stairs.  
“Auntie Nat!” the child wraps her arms around me. I try to pry her off gently, but it is more of a shove.  
“Lila, Auntie Nat isn’t feeling so good, let’s give her some space, okay?” Barton looks to his wife who quickly removes the tearful child.  
“I didn’t mean,”  
“I know,”  
“Do you have more?” I prepare myself for another round of attacks.  
“Two more, but Cooper is at school and Nate isn’t walking yet.” He leads me towards the stairs, “We have a room set up for you,” Upstairs, a queen-sized bed has been made up with a patchwork quilt. This is not the type of home I imagined Hawkeye having. “Do you need help?”  
“No, I’ve got it. Thanks.” I close the door in his face. A modicum of guilt pops up, but quickly dissipates. I need to be alone. For the first time in days, I am. I wait for tears to come, or anger. But instead, I am tired. I collapse into the bed, not even taking off my shoes.  
When I wake, up, the sun has set. I must have slept for hours. I slip down the stairs silently, when I hear voices.  
“You should have explained on the phone.”  
“I know, but I couldn’t leave her there, you know that.”  
“Clint,”  
“She was there for me when it happened.”  
“That is different, you didn’t forget who you were.”  
“She didn’t forget, she knows who she is,”  
“No, we don’t have Natasha staying with us right now, we have the Black Widow.”  
“She sat by my side for weeks.”  
“This Natasha wouldn’t do that.”  
“You don’t know that.” Clint argues, “She needs me, Laura. I’m not going to abandon her like so many other people.”  
“I know,” Laura sighs. I step into the room where they are arguing, the kitchen.  
“I can leave. Go back to headquarters. I’ll be fine.” I lie. I don’t want to go back and be poked and prodded.  
“No, you’re staying here.” Laura states, clearly embarrassed about being overheard.  
“I won’t hurt your children.” Again. I tack that on silently, thinking of the tearful little girl when I first arrived. This doesn’t seem to reassure them. I look over at Barton. What was it that I sat at his side for weeks? “I am not a threat to your family.” I try again.  
“We aren’t kicking you out, Nat.” Barton steps forward and places a hand on my shoulder. It takes all my strength not to shake it off.  
“You are family, we wouldn’t put you on the streets,” Laura goes over to the stove and begins to fill a tea kettle. “I’m making chamomile, I think we could all use some.” We gather around the kitchen table. There is a dart board nearby.  
“How are you settling in? Is there anything I can get for you? More blankets?” Laura asks, pouring the tea into three mismatched mugs. “It can be a bit drafty in that room. I have been trying to get Clint to fix the windows in there, but instead he is redoing the sunroom.”  
“It is fine, thank you.” I take a sip of my tea. It burns my throat. “So I am Auntie Nat?”  
“Yes, our kids love you. You were actually the first person besides Fury to know I have a family, let alone meet them.” Barton looks lovingly at his wife. “You try to come out to the farm once a month.”  
“Wow,” I look around the place, trying to trigger something. This is probably the closest I have ever had to a real home. 

In the morning, I meet Cooper for the first time. He approaches me cautiously. His parents and sister have already warned him. The youngest of the children, Nate, did not seem to get the message. He waves at me and giggles from his highchair.  
“How old is he?”  
“Eight months,” Barton replies. He is watching me, “We named him after you.”  
“Nate was supposed to be a girl,” Lila proclaims, slamming down her juice, “He was going to be Natasha, we have talked about this before. Right before he was born.” She glares at me.  
“Lila,” Laura warns. I glance over at her to let her know it was okay. I am not going to yell at the child.  
“I’m sorry, I forgot a lot of things.” I offer the girl.  
“Like that you’re Auntie Nat,” she nods, taking a bite of her pancakes.  
“Why did you forget us?” Cooper demands. I look over to his parents, unsure about where this is going. I have no experience with kids.  
“Auntie Nat hurt her head; she’s staying with us until she starts to feel better.” Laura offers. “Be gentle, okay?” I bristle at the statement. I am not a porcelain doll that needs to be handled with kid gloves.  
“Don’t you have to go to school?” Clin- Barton, asks his two older children, sensing the rising tension in the room.  
“Yes, the bus will be here in ten minutes, let’s go.” Laura takes the three children out of the kitchen, leaving me alone with Agent Barton.  
“What is the plan for today?” I ask, looking over at him.  
“Sorry about the kids, they were a little blunt.”  
“They are kids, Barton. I don’t expect them to be tactful.” I take a sip of my black coffee.  
“Still, we tried to coach them last night.”  
“I told you, I am not a threat to them. I will not hurt them.”  
“I know, we just don’t want them hurting you.” I laugh.  
“They can’t hurt me, I’m the Black Widow.” He looks me in the eyes, and I know that he did not mean physically.  
“We can go over some old case files that Fury sent us home with. Catch you up to speed. I would hate to have us called in and you think SHIELD is still a thing.”  
“It’s not?” I follow him out to the barn. Inside is farming supplies and an old tractor. Behind that are file cabinets, freshly dropped off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for reading! Any comments are welcome!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barton and Romanoff are called to Avenger's headquarters for a meeting and things go haywire, Natasha finds out Clint's been hiding something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everyone! Thank you for reading, please enjoy the latest update!

“Okay, so we have been invaded by aliens? And a robot tried to take over? Also, Captain America is the original one from World War II?”  
“Yes,” Barton looks up from his file.  
“Which one is that?” I nod to his. He closes it quickly.  
“Nothing, a boring one from a few months back that we did.” He throws it into the pile of read reports.  
“Budapest must have been fun,”  
“You used to say, ‘You and I remember Budapest differently,’ I pretty sure fun isn’t the word you would use.” I look around the piles of manilla folders surrounding us. Three hours later and we are about halfway done. The farm is quiet, almost boring. I can feel myself getting antsy, which I wish I weren’t. As much as I hate to admit it, the safety of the farm is comforting. Comfort and stifling is a fine line. Barton’s phone chimes.  
“We’re wanted back at headquarters,” he stands up. “They are sending over a jet.”  
Four hours later we land next to a starkly modern facility against a backdrop of trees and a river.  
“This is the new headquarters?” I look around and cross my arms, “It’s a bit much.”  
“Yeah, Stark designed it. Subtle isn’t is his thing.” As we walk inside, someone attacks me. I feel arms wrap around. Quickly as I can, I throw the figure off me. He lands with a thump against the wall.  
“Woah, wrong guy to throw,” Barton runs over to the guy pulling himself off the wall. “You’re good?”  
“Yeah, I think the big guy is too surprised,” he stares at me. “What’s going on? Why did you do that?” I feel my fighting stance weaken, my knees shaking slightly. He is not an enemy, that was a hug. We were close enough that he thought it would be okay to hug me.  
“They called you in, I thought they would have told you.”  
“I only heard she was hurt. I was a little excited when I saw her walking in here with you, clearly fine,” he glances back over at me, but then back at Barton.  
“It is rude to talk about me as if I’m not even here,” I push down the anxiety rising in my chest.  
“Banner, Nat doesn’t remember us, the Avengers. The last thing she remembers was eight years ago, a random mission in Shanghai.”  
“You don’t know who I am?” He pleads with his eyes, hoping I will answer differently.  
“Let’s get to that meeting we were called in for.” I look away from the pleading man and to Barton.  
“I’ll lead the way.” We head down a long hallway and enter a conference room. Multiple men crowd the place, and two other women. I see Tony Stark again, this time sitting next to the door, away from the crowd.  
“You pulled us all out of retirement, way to go, Red.”  
“Happy to get you off your ass, Stark.” I bite back.  
“You know, we have to set up lunch. You and Pepper, have a date. It will be fun.”  
“I was going through old cases, I worked an undercover case, as your assistant. And hers.”  
“Yes, you became close, bonding over mutual irritation and love.” I snort. He shrugs and his phone starts to ring, "I've got to take this, talk when I get back? Brunch, brunch should be good, better than lunch." He leaves the room.  
“Romanoff,” Hill calls. At the front of the room, Hill is standing with another woman.  
“Hill,” I reply and walk over to her.  
“You seem better than you did a few days ago.”  
“I’ve been caught up on cases. Avengers. You’re Wanda,” I offer the girl standing net to her. “Why have we been called in?”  
“There have been some developments,” Suddenly, the room goes dark, the light coming from the crack in the partially open door. “Its fine everyone, they are testing EMPs,” Hill yells out before anyone can say anything. “Romanoff, take Barton and find Fury. Fix this mess.” I look over at Barton in the dim light. Everyone else looks annoyed, but he looks scared, even terrified.  
“Barton come on,” he does not answer. I grab his arm and pull him out of the room. He is still panicking in the hallway. “Why are you freaking out? It is just a test gone wrong. I’m sure Fury already knows, its hard to miss. Why did Hill even need to send us?” I look over at Barton who has sunk to the ground, his back pressed up against the wall. Something is wrong. “Barton?” I bend down, “Clint?” He doesn’t look up.  
“Romanoff!” Fury calls, walking down the hall.  
“Something’s wrong with Barton.”  
“He will be fine, it is jarring, I can imagine. It was smart of Hill to pull him out of there. We should be back up and running in about five minutes. It was only a few rooms that were hit. Targeted EMPs, still developing obviously.”  
“What does that have to do with Barton?”  
“It was in the pile of case files I sent you. Barton said you went through most of them.” I think of the one that he tossed before I could read it.  
“Not all of them, sir.”  
“It isn’t my job to tell you, Romanoff. Take Barton outside for some air. Someone will be out to help you soon.” I nudge Barton with the tip of my shoe.  
“Come on,” I gesture to a side door leading outside. He gets up shakily and follows me. I breathe in the air. It is hot and humid. I sit down on the ground and he does the same. He closes his eyes for a minute, neither of us saying anything.  
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” he looks over at me. I don’t react, unsure what to say. I still don’t know what is happening. Was he afraid of the dark? What happened in that case? A few moments pass and the door opens once more, this time it is hill with two small devices in her hand. She hands them to Barton who removes two identical ones from his ears, replacing them.  
“Sorry about that, we’ll give you a few minutes and then start the meeting, hopefully without any more mishaps.” Barton nods to her and she heads back inside.  
“Fury didn’t tell me when we were in the hall, said it wasn’t his job. I think he meant it wasn’t his place.”  
“I am sorry I didn’t tell you. It was selfish and irresponsible.” He stands up. “A few months ago, we went on our last mission together. It was right after Ultron. We had some new tech. We got in a bad situation and I was down to my last arrow. We were in a small space. You followed out one of the guys, your target. And I cornered mine, or I thought it did. He actually cornered me. My bow was on the other side of the room. I had to think fast. I took the last arrow and shoved it into the guy’s chest. It was a sonic arrow. Creates a mini sonic boom to disorient the people surrounding the target. Instead it went off right next to my head. Lost 90% of my hearing in my right ear, 80% in my left. It was my last mission, I retired after. The special hearing aids made by Stark bring me to almost normal. This is my first time back since then, not a great way to start a comeback.” He laughs, but it’s a harsh laugh.  
“The case, you hid it from me. Why?”  
“I didn’t want you to know. It was nice, to have someone not know. To not feel pity.” I stare at him for a long time.  
“I don’t pity you, Clint. I am made at you for not telling me. If we had been attacked and this happened it compromises us. We are partners.”  
“Nat,”  
“You can trust me. I am still me, whether you or anyone else thinks otherwise.” I try to push down my hurt as I stand up. “You are no less of an agent because of this, anyone who says otherwise is lying. Unless you need some cognitive recalibration, let’s get back inside.”  
“What did you say?” he freezes.  
“Let’s get back inside.” I cross my arms, “Are those working? I can get Hill,”  
“No, they’re fine. You’ve just said something like that before. Let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I should have the next chapter up in a few days!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How did Natasha actually lose her memory?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 4! Thank you all for continuing to read my story :)

The conference room has been most cleared out. Only a handful of people remain.   
“Good to have you back, Natasha,”   
“Thank you, Cap,” I recall his file. He is in charge here, and I am his second in command. He was with me on the mission. “It is good to be back.” He nods and redirects his attention to Hill. Fury sits in a chair behind her, watching us all with his one good eye.   
“I called you all in because there has been a development,” her eyes drift uncomfortably to me. “We have had your blood work in testing. Preliminary results were fine, but further testing shows the presence of a chemical.”   
“A chemical?” Clint looks over at Hill, “Do you think that going over this as a group is the best move, Hill?”   
“Barton,” Captain America warns.   
“We are running it through diagnostics right now, which is why it is great to have Dr. Banner back to help.”   
“What kind of chemical?” I find myself asking, surprised by the steadiness of my own voice.   
“We are still trying to figure that out. We believe it is actually the cause of your memory loss.”   
“Not a concussion?”   
“The concussion wasn’t severe enough for memory loss of this scale. She was unconscious for under a minute. Beyond that, it was a medically induced coma to give her body time to recover.”   
“I’m still here,” I cross my arms, glaring at Hill. She clears her throat.   
“We ask that you stay in the area for the next few days, so we can do further testing.”  
“For you, asking is just a polite way of telling.” I stand up from the table. In the hallway, I nearly run into the man who attacked me on my way in, Banner.   
“Natasha,” he smiles happily at me. I nod to him; nervous he will try and hug me again. “I promise, no more unwarranted physical affection.”  
“What does unwarranted constitute as?”   
“Come, I will take you up to the lounge and living area.”   
“I guess as far as prisons go, this isn’t so bad.” I look around at the kitchen and leather couches. A teenage girl is sitting on one of them, accompanied by a man with red skin. They had both been in the conference room when we arrived earlier.   
“That’s Wanda and Vision, they are the two newest members of the team.” I look at the girl and feel a twinge of empathy. She is young, just like I was. Too young.   
“How long have you been with the team, Doctor?” I open up the fridge and pull out a water bottle.   
“You actually recruited me, back in 2012.”   
“So, its my fault you’re all tangled up in this?” He doesn’t laugh.   
“It is my own fault, it is thanks to you I came here with dignity.”   
“You are a troubled man, Doctor. And trust me, I know troubled. How did a man like you end up working in a place like this, really?” he freezes. “Clint gave me that same look earlier, when I said something.”  
“It is just déjà vu, I think. Unless you remember something?”   
“No, why?”  
“It is just like a conversation we had a few months ago.” He trails off, thinking about something else.   
“Why do you work here, really? I am sure you are a great doctor, but that isn’t why you are an Avenger. I never got to your file.”   
“I experimented, and it went wrong. I created a monster. A monster I have to live with.”  
“You aren’t a monster,” I look at him carefully. “I have met a lot of monsters, Doctor Banner, and you are not one.”   
“Romanoff, Banner, come with me,” Hill waits impatiently. “We want to start running diagnostics as soon as possible.”

I am sitting alone in an examination room, applying pressure to the spot where the just drew blood, when Captain America walks in.  
“Has anyone every told you that you strut?”  
“Yes, you.” He sits down on the doctor’s stool. “Nat, you okay?”  
“Fine.”  
“This is a lot to take in over the past few days, let alone hours. I’m scared we took you away from the farm too soon. We should have given you more time to recover.”  
“Not a porcelain doll, Captain.”   
“Steve,”  
“I’m sorry?”  
“You call me Steve or Cap. It doesn’t sound right, coming from you.”  
“My apologies.” I pull down the sleeve of my t-shirt. “If you were on the mission, why isn’t your brain wiped?”  
“I wasn’t with you when it happened. We were in the middle of extraction when an explosion went off. I was already in the air; we were on our way to get you.”   
“Just my luck.” They took too much blood. I feel lightheaded. I push through, leaning subtly against the wall. “So, you’re really one hundred years old?”  
“Yes,” he sighs.  
“You’re a fossil,” I grin at him. Cap snorts. We start to walk back towards the common area. “I have to ask, what’s up with Banner?”  
“With you and Banner?”   
“What? No! Why? Is there something happening with me and Banner?”  
“What did you mean?”   
“I meant why does Banner think he’s some kind of monster?” I turn to face him, “But I’m more curious about what you just said.”   
“Come on, I’ll show you some footage.” We sit in front of a computer and the video plays.   
“He didn’t come back. You said he always comes back for me,” I accuse.   
“He did come back; it just took a while longer.” Steve offers.   
“So, he turns into the big guy and sometimes can control himself?”  
“Yes, that sums it up.” I nod thoughtfully. And this guy and I were in love? I see myself more with Cap than the self-conscious doctor. “We don’t work like that,” he says quickly, as if reading my mind, “We are both a little too stubborn. And you have tried to set me up on at least a dozen dates.” I look closer at the big guy.   
“He isn’t so bad, misunderstood.” In that moment I can see why the doctor and I bonded. We are both lost souls.  
There is a knock on the door. Clint stands in the doorway. He still seems jumpy from earlier. My heart twinges. I keep surprising myself. Whoever I became in the last seven years is coming through, especially with this bleeding heart.  
“I have to head home. Lila and Cooper have come down with the flu. Laura needs my help. I’m so sorry Nat. I hate to leave you here.”   
“I’ll be fine, Clint. Go home. I’ll probably be here when you get back.” He tenses up. “That was a joke. I will be here when you get back. Be with your family.” He steps forward as if he is about to do something but changes his mind. Instead a curt goodbye is given, and he disappears down the hallway.   
“I have never seen Barton so nervous before.”  
“His kids are sick.”  
“He is more worried about you. Kids get the flu all the time. I am sure Fury is sending him home for hovering. I give it twenty-four hours before he is back here checking up on you.”  
“So you mean this is my chance to escape?” his head swivels. “Once again, a joke. You people need to lighten up. I am not going anywhere. Except, apparently, to brunch with Pepper tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it! Any feedback is welcome! I promise battle scenes will be coming in the next few chapters! But first, brunch!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wanda, Bruce, and Natasha play some mind games, brunch with Pepper, and more!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally some slight action in this one! I promise a battle scene in the coming chapters lol, please enjoy!

“Hi,” I look up from my book. The teenager, Wanda, stands quietly in the doorway of my suite. She looks unsure about what to do.  
“Come in,” I sigh, closing my book.  
“Sorry, I’ll go,” she turns to leave.  
“No, I’m sorry. I’m just getting used to all of this.” She steps into the room, wringing her hands.  
“It is hard, living with so many people, so many opinions,” she offers, “I haven’t been here long, but it’s good. Safe. Better than where I have lived before.”  
“Me too,” she smiles. She is sweet, but I want to ask her why she is here, interrupting my reading.  
“I think I can help you.”  
“Help me?”  
“Yes, I can go into people’s minds. We can see if I can unlock a memory, maybe.”  
“Is that safe?”  
“I don’t know, probably not. Vis didn’t even want me to offer. But I thought it should be your call.”  
“Why offer to help me?”  
“Because you helped me, it is right.”  
“Red in your ledger?”  
“No friendship.” She seems confused by me, because she’s a good person.  
“Okay, let’s do it.” I stand up, “But we should have a doctor present, just in case.” Once again, I am surprising myself. Such caution didn’t used to exist in me. I find myself banging on the door next to my room. It swings open, revealing an extremely disheveled Doctor Banner. “Come on Doc, we’ve got work to do.” He looks over my shoulder at Wanda, and then back at me.  
“No, we are not doing this.”  
“We are doing it with or without you, it was just a courtesy invite.” I begin to walk down the hall with Wanda trailing behind. “Wait, fine.” He rubs his temples, “We’ll go down to my lab.” 

“Okay,” he attaches the last little sticker to my head, “This EEG will monitor your brain activity, and we have a heart monitor, and”  
“Yes, I am hooked up to every machine possible, thank you Doctor.” He sweats nervously, “It is my brain that we are playing with, not yours.” This seems to stress him out more. “I will be fine. Let’s get this show on the road.” I look to Wanda, who also seems a little pale. Not a good sign. But she stands up straight and nods, lifting her hands. Instantly, the world goes black. When I open my eyes, I am in a mall on an escalator.  
“Kiss me! I find myself saying. Cap is staring at me.  
“What?”  
“Public displays of affections make people very uncomfortable.”  
“Yes they do,” I pull him towards me, and we begin to kiss. It is passionate, but empty. It feels like work, not what I expected. I pull away and open my eyes. I am no longer in the mall. I am lying down; I was not lying down before. My mouth tastes like burnt rubber.  
“What happened?” I blink slowly, clearing my blurry vision.  
“You had a seizure,” Banner explains. I sit up quickly and instantly regret it.  
“I am so sorry, I didn’t think,” Wanda titters nervously.  
“No, don’t be. It worked.” I feel myself recovering quickly.  
“You remember?” The Doctor looks at me hopefully.  
“No, not everything. Just one thing.” I feel a surge of guilt, like I am cheating on him. I don’t even know him.  
“What was it?”  
“I was with Cap, at the mall,” I offer, avoiding the details.  
“That was a little over a year ago. You were running from SHIELD/Hydra.”  
“I remember reading that file, something about the Winter Soldier?” I think of the scar on my stomach.  
“I am so happy it worked,” Wanda collapses into a chair. “Your brain is a mess, scrambled. The doctors are bad at their jobs if they can’t see that.”  
“What do you mean?” Banner begins to remove the different monitors attached from me.  
“Your brain,” she explains looking at me, “Finding things was hard, it was like getting to a draw bridge that was pulled up. The connection had been broken; this bridge was the least raised.” She looks over at Bruce, “Am I making sense?”  
“Yes, you are.” He looks over to me, “Your neural pathways have been severed.”  
“So my memories are still there?”  
“Yes, you just can’t access them.” Wanda sits thoughtfully.  
“It felt like something more, but you seem fine otherwise.” I don’t like the sound of that.  
“It’s late, we should all get to bed. Don’t you have plans in the morning?” I groan. I had forgotten about brunch with Pepper.  
When I go back into my room, I quickly fall into a dreamless sleep. At eight am, the alarm on my new phone goes off. After a quick run and shower, I find myself waiting in the lobby of the building. I am excited to meet Pepper, though I don’t know why. Nor do I know why I agreed to brunch. A white Porsche pulls up. Inside is a strawberry blonde, waving to me. I step outside and into the car.  
“Hi, I’m Pepper,” She sticks out her hand.  
“Hi, I’m Natasha,” I reply, “Sorry, you obviously already know that.”  
“It’s okay, I am sorry. I know you don’t want to do this. I didn’t want to put you through it, but Tony insisted.” She opens up the car door for me, “I know a nice quiet place not far from here.”  
Brunch with Pepper is not what I imagined. Instead of pulling up to a five-star hotel with an equally extravagant restaurant, we are in a small town at their local breakfast spot.  
“This place is,”  
“Quaint, I know. I figured you wouldn’t want anything fancy. And I had strict instructions from an incredibly nervous Bruce to not take you too far.” We look at the menus in silence, however once our food is ordered, I know questions are coming. “How are you feeling?”  
“Fine, I’m not in pain.”  
“I didn’t mean physically, Natasha. This is a lot to take in. They gave you what, forty-eight hours to learn that your life is completely different?” she takes a sip of her coffee. “It isn’t right.”  
“You don’t like the Avengers?”  
“No, I do. I just don’t like that people I care about are in it.” The waitress brings over Pepper’s eggs benedict and my pancakes. “You don’t have to talk. I am sure they are making you do plenty of that back there. Think of this as a vacation, an escape for the next hour.”  
The hour goes by too fast. Before I know it, I am saying goodbye to Pepper. I like her. I am finding I like a lot of these people. And that’s dangerous. I can’t compromise myself.  
“You’re back.” Steve is sitting on the steps.  
“Yes,”  
“How was brunch?”  
“Good.”  
“You and Pepper used to be friends.”  
“People like us don’t have friends.”  
“I have friends,”  
“Then you’re in the wrong business.” He has that look that so many others have had. The things I say, they are repeats of other conversations. I don’t even know it. “Did Banner tell you that I had a memory?”  
“Yes, that Wanda went in and as she put it, ‘closed a draw bridge’. It didn’t go well.”  
“Did he tell what that memory was?”  
“No, we got interrupted.” I am about to ask what, but he pounces first, “What was your memory?”  
“We were at the mall, on an escalator.” He blushes. “Embarrassed, Cap?” I tease, “Come on, I felt the emotions I felt before. It wasn’t like that. I know it. I don’t feel it now. Don’t get me wrong, you are incredibly attractive, and we could totally bone, but nothing like that.” I begin to feel lightheaded.  
“Nat,” something wet drips onto my lips. I touch them gently and pull away. My fingers are stained red. As I begin to fall, he catches me. Everything is going in flashes. It is like a slideshow. One minute we are outside, then the hall, then the medical wing. Now I am somewhere else. I try to look around. I think I am back in Bruce’s lab. I can’t move. Don’t panic. You are fine. People sometimes freeze when they panic. I tell myself this, but I know it is a lie. I don’t panic, especially not like this.  
“Wanda, can’t you do what you did last night?”  
“What if it caused this?” Tony demands. I try to get their attention, let them know I am awake.  
“I told you here brain didn’t look right when I went in.”  
“You didn’t really specify,”  
“I am not a brain surgeon, Bruce!” She shouts back. Her eyes turning red.  
“Woah kid, calm down. Let’s not have our tempers flair up,” he looks over at Banner who is sitting down with his head in his hands. “Bruce, come on. We have the best doctors in the world here to assist you, and Wanda.”  
“Thanks Tony.” She huffs and looks my way. I blink rapidly, trying to get her attention. “I think she can hear us.”  
“Red?” Tony walks over and bends down, “Blink once if you can hear me, twice if you can’t.” I roll my eyes. “Yes, she’s alive.”  
“We knew that, get a doctor or give Cap an update. I am sure Clint is already freaking out, and on his way here. And you know that will make things worse.  
“Things will not go well if he sees her like this.” Cap is standing in the doorway. “He is two hours out. We promised nothing would happen to her.”  
“She’s conscious, and aware of her surroundings. Better than when we found her.”  
“Great, huge step up.” Captain storms out of the room. I feel myself begin to slip under.  
“No, stay with us Nat, come on.” Banner looks over to Wanda. It goes black.  
I am in the Red Room. There are ballet dancers. I am shooting a gun. I am fighting. There’s a gurney. No. No. No. They don’t have mouths. They don’t have mouths.  
“They don’t have mouths,” I gasp and take in my surroundings. I am in a hospital room. The room is full of people. They are staring at me, “Where was that? What was that?” Wanda runs out of the room. The heart monitor reflects the feeling my chest. I feel cornered, hunted.  
“Nat, it’s okay. You’re safe,” Am I? Why was that a new memory? The Red Room was from before. Why was I back there? “It was just a delusion; she must’ve brought it back by mistake when she was fixing you head.” That wasn’t real? That wasn’t real. I try to convince myself.  
“Why can I move again?”  
“She reconnected neurons, giving you back motor function. Your brain is deteriorating. But we are really close to finding an antidote. We just need another few days.”  
“Does she have a few days, Banner?” Clint snaps.  
“Wanda is buying us time.” He assures. That doesn't make me feel better. A few days is the best possible outcome.  
“But you said that you don’t know if that is safe,”  
“I am not that kind of doctor!” Banner yells. Something clicks in my brain.  
“Sun’s getting low,” I offer my hand. Bruce looks towards me, surprised. I watch as his shoulders loosen up, and his eyes lose their intensity.  
“How did you know to do that?” Cap looks between Bruce and I.  
“I don’t know, something clicked, it was like a light was turned on.”  
“Do you remember anything else?”  
“No, but there are other things. Feelings? Sensations? I don’t know.” I look between the three of them. “Whatever Wanda is doing, it’s working.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any feedback is welcome! Hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha's condition is deteriorating and her teammates search for a solution. When the compound is attacked, everyone is at risk.

“Natasha, Barton’s been compromised,” Wake up.  
“Let me put you on hold,” No, wake up. “You know for a man who’s supposed to be avoiding stress you picked a hell of a place to settle.”   
“Is she a spy too? Do they start that young?”  
“I did.” Wake up, I command myself again.  
“Is this love, Agent Romanoff?”  
“Love is for children.” I wake up with a gasp, I feel like I’m drowning.   
“Shit, Nat,” I lean over and cough up blood that had dripped down my throat, splattering Clint with red.   
“Sorry,” I lean back into the pillows.   
“You look pale,”  
“Thanks. That is exactly what I needed to hear.” I wipe my face with my sleeve. “You were compromised, somehow.” I close my eyes. “I was working, Coulson called.”   
“Yes, that was a few years ago, it was a close call. You saved me.”  
“So we’re even then?” He’s hurt by this statement, similar to Wanda. “Sorry, that isn’t how you do things around here.”   
“How we do things,” he corrects. I nod crossing my arms. “Can I get you anything?”   
“Water, please.”   
“Please? Should I grab Banner?” I shoot him a glare. He returns a moment later with water and Banner.   
“I am fine, Clint. You didn’t need to grab him,”  
“I wanted to come and check on you, I just happened to run into him.” I am almost sure that isn’t true.   
“I have to call Laura, I’ll be right back.”  
“You should be avoiding stress, right?” I ask, “I am definitely not helping.”   
“No, I’d be more stressed if I wasn’t trying to rectify the situation.” He listens to my chest with a stethoscope. “Deep breath,”   
“You know, about the Red Room, don’t you?”  
“Yes,” he pulls away, surprised. “You had asked me if they start that young. You didn’t know before.”   
“You remember?”  
“Yes, I remember finding you. I think it was in India. I should have probably briefed the files named Avengers first.”   
“Wanda’s magic is working.”  
“Yes, let’s just hope I don’t die before you find a cure.”   
“Tony is working on it too. You know he had a fake heart?”   
“No,”  
“It was to keep shrapnel from killing him. We are working on the same type of thing for you. A magnet of sorts to draw out the chemical, isolate it.”   
“That sounds like science fiction.”  
“I turn into a giant green monster and your partner is nearly one hundred years old.”  
“You make a fair point.” I close my eyes.   
“I need you to stay awake. He is going to be in here in a minute with his prototype.”   
“Sorry,” I struggle to keep my eyes open. I think I hear an alarm in the distance. I must be hallucinating. “Wow, I am all kinds of messed up right now.” I laugh. Bruce does not seem to find this funny. “I am hearing things now too, an alarm.” He pauses.   
“You aren’t imagining that.” I watch as he runs out the room on high alert. Struggling, I stand up and stumble forward, leaning on the door jam. Something is wrong. All the lights flicker off. Machines stop whirring. It is completely silent. Wanda is running down the hall towards me, a red glow around her.   
“What is going on?”  
“An EMP,”  
“That happened before,”  
“Yes, but we aren’t doing any testing right now. The whole compound has been hit.” I feel adrenaline pumping through my system, forgetting the weariness I had before.   
“So, we’re under attack?” I go back into my room. Wanda follows.   
“What are you doing?”  
“Changing,” I reply, slipping out of my sweatpants and into my catsuit. I reach under the desk and pull out a gun, then open a few books, pulling knives out.   
“You can’t fight in your condition. I am trying to get you out of here.”  
“Like that is going to happen.” I swallow bile that is rising in my throat as I slide my knives into place. “Come on, let’s go see what’s happening.” I keep my gun raised as we creep through the hall. The building is silent, which it never is. Clint. Where is he? He was on the phone. We round the corner and I see an irritated Tony in the kitchen waving his arms at Clint.   
“What are you doing?” I hiss at him.   
“Trying to communicate, Red. What does is look like?”   
“We are under attack.”  
“No, it is probably some numbskull scientist who set off another EMP.”  
“There was an alarm going off just before. Someone breached the barrier.” Tony’s irritation melts.   
“Well in that case, we should get you and Barton out of here.”   
“I am not leaving.” I state firmly.   
“You are leaving,” Clint grabs my shoulder. “We are getting you to a safehouse. You are in no condition to fight.” I glare at him. No one is going to tell me what to do. There is a crash down the hall. I take off running, three sets of footsteps following me. In the lobby, I see Hulk for the first time. Bruce is no more. He holds someone in his hand, smashed against the wall. An unmistakable patch is sewn on the uniform.   
“Hydra.” There is no way that guy came in here alone. He must have at least a partner with him, probably more. Maria steps out, sweat plastering her hair to her face.   
“What’s going on?” Tony demands.   
“They’re looking for something, I don’t know what.” There is a crash that sounds like thunder tearing through a wall. Clint moves a painting from the wall and takes a bow and arrow out. Tony pops up a floor tile and removes an Ironman hand.  
“Do you all just store weapons everywhere?” Wanda groans, exasperated.   
“How is that thing going to work?” I nod to Tony’s hand.   
“It runs on something unaffected by electromagnetic pulses.”  
“Then why don’t we make everything out of that?”  
“Because that would be very expensive.” Tony rolls his eyes. Clint nudges me with his boot.   
“I am not leaving.” I look to him. He sighs and nods, gesturing for me to lead the way. I am beginning to feel the fatigue set in, but I push through. I head towards the sound of the fighting. Thor and Cap seem to be blocking the entrance to Tony and Bruce’s lab. There are six agents. We immediately get to work. I shoot one in the leg as Cap hits him with his shield. My heart is pounding, my vision swimming. I look up and see Clint with an arrow aimed at me. Everything stops. I suck in my breath. He releases the arrow. It soars past me, almost skimming my ear. He never misses. I turn around and see a Hydra agent fall to the ground, an arrow protruding from his neck. After what seems like hours, they all have been apprehended or killed. I sink to the ground, leaning against the wall. All energy I had left, gone. “How long was that?”  
“Ten minutes,” Tony looks bored as he collapses his suit. “What were they going for in there? The only project we’re working on is for Natasha,” he looks to Cap.   
“Where’s Bruce?” I remember, trying to pull myself off the ground. Clint rushes over and supports me. I tug him along into the foyer. Hulk is still there, holding the guy, but another one is occupying his other fist. Both are unconscious. “Hey Big Guy, sun’s getting real low.” I offer my hand. I lean more onto Clint, not trusting myself. My eyelids are heavy. I blink slowly, and when I open, Bruce is there once more.   
“Nat, your bleeding,” He steps forward. Perhaps it is the loss of blood causing this heaviness, not the, my train of thought diverges. Clint lies me on the ground, his eyes serious as he quickly applies pressure to my side.   
“You could have mentioned you were bleeding.”   
“Not like you would’ve heard me anyways.”  
“I can read your lips.” He snaps back. I nod my head. Bruce takes a piece of his shredded shirt and uses it to apply pressure.   
“You’re losing a lot of blood, we have to get this stitched up,”  
“They were here because of me. They wanted whatever you and Tony are working on for me. They are going to come back.” I grit my teeth as he applies pressure. “This is my fault.” I am putting all these people in danger. These good people.   
“This isn’t your fault. And we are going to fix everything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed! I would love some feedback! Thank you!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath of the mini battle and Nat may finally get her memories back! (or at least a few more!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nearing the end of the story! Maybe three more chapters? Hope you have all enjoyed it thus far! Any comments are welcome and appreciated!

I blink open my eyes. I am in my bed, I got to move but am met with strong resistance from my right side.   
“Take it slow, we don’t want that to rip open again.” I look over sleepily and see Clint. “You’re on some pretty powerful painkillers. You’ll be pretty out of it for a while.”   
“It is just a flesh wound. I don’t need drugs for that.” He averts his eyes. I’m not on the drugs because of this wound.   
“You were screaming, you said it felt like your brain was on fire.”   
“Perfect.” I close my eyes. “How long do I have?”  
“We don’t know. Maybe a few hours, maybe a day or two.” He pushes closer, “Lucky for you, Banner and Stark are on their way here.”   
“You could have started with that.” I groan. “They get your hearing aids fixed?”   
“No, I just happen to be really good at reading your lips and guessing what you’re going to say.” I can’t tell if he’s serious or not. There is a knock at the door. It opens and I nudge Clint.   
“I am here to save the day, no need to thank me.” Tony struts in, his chest puffed out.   
“Yes, it was Tony alone who created this devise. Not a team effort whatsoever.” Bruce glares at the billionaire.   
“I think your ego can wait Doctor; we have a patient. They nudge Clint out of the way and help me sit up. Banner supports me as Tony procures a round disk, glowing blue. “This is going to hurt,”   
“What is?” he brushes my hair out of the way and I feel a sharp pinch on the back on my neck followed by a pain that can only be described as cold. It is as if my nerves are freezing. I can barely take in any air.   
“Almost done, Red.” Tony mumbles, fidgeting about. Finally, he pulls away and Bruce lays me back down.   
“Is it working?” Wanda slips into the room, “Is she okay?” I am shivering, so cold. The cold disappears as quickly as it came. I see images flashing before my eyes so quickly I am afraid I might miss them.   
“Love is for children. I owe him a debt.”  
“In every way he knows you fear.”   
“Bye bye bikinis.”  
“The person who developed this is slightly smarter than me. Slightly.”  
“He's also a huge dork. Chicks dig that!”  
“That’s not a question I need answered.”

Everyone is staring at me. I look between them.   
“How long was I out for?” They look confused.   
“You didn’t pass out.”  
“But I remembered,” I stand up and I find that my balance is back. “Up until,” I look at Wanda with reservation. My muscles tense, I can feel myself ready to spring at her. I hold myself back, remember the past week. Tony steps protectively in front of Wanda.   
“Natasha,” he warns. I force myself to calm down. There is more. You are missing more.   
“I am not going to hurt her,” I snap. “Clint carried me onto the quinjet, I don’t know what happened after. Until I woke up on the helicarrier with you guys last week.” The nightmare is happening again. No. No. No.   
“Nat,” Clint grabs my shoulders, “You’re safe.” When I look up, Tony and Wanda are gone.   
“I should apologize to her. I feel awful.”   
“It’s okay, you’re a little disoriented.” Bruce shines a flashlight in my eyes. “So this machine is pulling the toxin away from your brain. There was an initial surge when you felt cold. It is going to continue to pull out the toxin. It should turn red when its done.”   
“It looks just like the thing Tony had in his chest.”   
“Yes, we based it off that.”   
“There is something Hydra doesn’t want me to remember.” I brush my hair back over my neck. “We have to find out what that is before they come back.” I pace towards the window. “I am sure she feels bad for what she did. I need to apologize.”   
“I think for now, you need to rest.” I look over to Clint for support. He was over by my bookshelf. I forgot about his hearing aids not working. Forgot. I snort in spite of myself. Of course I forgot. “Nat?”  
“Sorry,” I sober up. “I will hide away in here if that’s what the doctor orders.”  
“No, I know that look. You are going to do the exact opposite.”  
“Then why even try?”   
“We’ll send you back to the farm for a few days.”  
“No, I am not putting Laura and the kids in danger, Hydra will be looking for me again.” The idea of putting her family in harms way made her heart hurt. “I’ll lay low, okay?” I offer. Bruce nods.   
“I’ll be back to check on you in a while.” His hand brushes mine gingerly before slipping out and closing the door behind him. I walk over to Clint. He has one of my fake books open, inside are a set of knives.   
“How many of these books are fake?”  
“About half,” I sign. The tension on Clint’s face eases.   
“You remember sign language?”  
“I don’t know how, but yes.” Then it clicks.   
“I cannot believe you and Bruce,”  
“It was one date, Clint.”  
“Laura called it, she is going to hang this over my head forever.”   
“Okay, Hawkeye. Just pay attention.” I bend down. “There’s my ride.” I nod to a truck driving up the road. I perch on the windowsill, “Stay on coms, okay? I want to get home,”  
“To see your boyfriend,” I roll my eyes and dive out the window, landing lightly on the covered caravan. I quickly apprehend the truck, seizing the weapons.   
“Cap, send in extraction for the weapons. Hawkeye, you ready to go?” I wait for a reply. “Clint,” I try again, “Come on, I have plans.” I growl into the coms. Nothing. Fuck. He took out his coms. Better concentration he claims. My ass. I get to the rendezvous point. He isn’t here. I feel a bubble of panic rising in my chest. This isn’t good. “Cap, come in. We’ve got a problem. Clint’s not at the meet up spot. Going to our last point of contact. Be prepared to send in back up or medical if needed.” I keep my heart rate steady. He probably got sidetracked. Maybe he got lost. I reach the building where we last spoke. It is eerily quiet inside. I walk carefully with my gun drawn. There are a lot of dead people peppering the hallway. They drained his arrows. He didn’t go for the kill shot first, he never did. But they kept coming. I creep up the stairs. My throat is tight. The first thing I see if blood dripping down the stairs. No. I round the corner and see a corpse, and by the window, a slumped over Clint, holding pressure to a wound.  
“Jesus Clint, answer the coms.” I bend down in front of him and he stands up quickly, stumbling backwards, “Woah, it’s okay. It’s just me,” he looks down at his hand. It is a small gunshot wound. It doesn’t look like it hit anything important. Other than a few scratches, he seems fine. “Can we get out of here now? Are you good to walk? Anything broken?” he doesn’t look up from inspecting his wound. “Clint,” I wave my hands in front of his face. That’s when I see it. His quiver is empty, including the sonic arrow. “What did you do?” I look at the arrow, protruding out of the chest of a man not ten feet away. I look closely and see a trickle of blood coming out of his ears. “Cap, we need medical ASAP.”


End file.
